The fic caused by Captain StomachAche
by Fukushuu
Summary: My stomach hurt when I wrote this. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!
1. First chapter in a series of randomness

The fic caused by Captain Stomach-Ache.   
By: Fukushuu 

(A/N : MW AHA HA AH AHA! Well, that's about it. A fic based on nothing but a whim. It IS supposed to be funny. If you no likey, you can flamey! 

I don't own anyone but me, and...EVERYONE I PUT A STICKER ON!!! MW AHA HAHA HA HAAH! 

Oh, yeah, and something's messed-up with the computer I'm using, so quotation marks will look like this : « The. » 

SORRY!) 

Piccolo hovered nicely, looking pretty and everything. (Insert all possible gushy things you can say about him. .The list will go on for a while.) He meditated, thought about Gohan's past, how he trained him, how quickly the kis was growing up, why he had no reproductive organs, you know the drill. When all of a sudden-- 

« MR. PICCOLO!!! » sounded throughout the entire sky. 

« What the hell?! » the Namek yelled back. 

« Oh...NOTHING! » sounded back. 

« OKAY THEN! » Piccolo shouted. Meditating resumed, and life went on as normal. 

Dende stood next to Piccolo, kicking him in the shins. « So, what do you want to do today? » he asked, continuing his daily exercise. (He was trying to develop strong leg muscles by weakening the older Namek's.) 

« Oo! Oo! » squealed Mr. PoPo from behind the young Guardian, his hand raised and waving around. « Ooo! I have a good idea! » 

Dende gave one final REALLY good kick before pausing long enough to look at Mr. PoPo. « No, Mr. PoPo, we will not write self-help books for people who have addictions to self-help books. We can't make a sequel and make profits off it, remember? » 

Mr. PoPo sighed, and trudged hard-heartedly back to the magical kitchen that no-one ever sees to make food for everyone who shows up. 

Piccolo yawned.because I'M the author, and I can do what I want with him! He yawned again to prove my point. « Let's go to hot-springs. We've both heard of them before, and never seen them or experienced then either. I've heard it costs money, so, how much money do we have? » 

Dende pulled off his tiny yet KAWAII shoes, the wool socks, the polyester sock, the not-so-polyester sock, the blue socks, and the socks with built- in toes to reveal. « Three dollars Canadian, eighty-seven Namekian grooples, and three and a half pairs of socks. » 

Piccolo nodded. « Then let's go for it! » 

(A/N : My stomach hurts, so weird things are gonna happen. ENJOY! -^_______^- ) 


	2. Hot Springs Yay!

(A/N: HA HA AHA HA! I'm so glad you like the fic so far! I'm hoping to keep it going for a while!  
  
Yes, I write better when in pain.not in a coma. .Though, THAT in itself is a possibility..  
  
Oh, yeah.the quotation marks work now! (Hurrah! ^O^ )  
  
Ciao! ~~Fukushuu -^________^- )  
  
Piccolo carried Dende kicking and screaming all the way down to Earth.  
  
"What the hell is the matter with you?!" he hollered, trying to keep the younger Namek from squirming out of his grasp and plummeting to the planet below. "What's wrong?!"  
  
Dende looked up at him, teary-eyed. "I think I kicked you too high this morning, and broke my hymen!"  
  
Piccolo sighed, and explained: "Dende, we Nameks don't HAVE hymens.we have these many layers of clothing and scarf-type things to keep us from losing our virginity through our necks."  
  
Dende considered the explanation for a moment before replying: "But, Piccolo.whenever you go into battle, you usually take OFF your scarf-type things!"  
  
"Yes, but that's because my pheromones come out through my neck, because I've reached the appropriate height for it! My enemies become weakened when they smell my sexiness!" He laughed wickedly for a moment to himself.  
  
Dende thought to himself: 'But.Guru always..' He gasped inwardly, but kept his thoughts to himself.  
  
~*~  
  
They finally reached the hot springs, Piccolo with a single towel wrapped around his waist, Dende smothering himself in them, trying to keep his raging pheromones in control. They had paid their fees earlier, receiving odd looks for the currency they used, but got in regardless. Piccolo followed to foot-trails to find the appropriate hot spring.  
  
"Piccolo, why are we following the path to the male's hot springs?"  
  
"Because, mummy...I mean Dende, everyone always says 'mister' or 'he' or 'him' when they're talking about us. I just assumed we'd use the male's springs because that's where we'd be expected to go."  
  
(A/N: Dear KAMI! .Is it just me, or is Piccolo the perfect little boy? *shudder* )  
  
They finally found the proper hot spring to go to, but were surprised at what they found: almost all of the bishounen from the entire DBZ cast was in one spring, in only a single cubic meter of water. 'What the--?!' thought Piccolo.  
  
"Hey, Piccolo!" smiled Goku, busy scrubbing Yamucha's back, who was scrubbing Tien's back, who was trying to avoid touching anyone else. "How's it going?"  
  
"Uh, Goku? Why is there so little space? From what I've heard, these hot springs are supposed to be huge!"  
  
"Well, Piccolo," began Goku, inspecting his raisin-like fingers, "because south-western Europe is colliding with northern Africa, our hot springs are getting smaller. .At least.that's what the brochure said." He looked to (teenage) Gohan for confirmation, and smiled as his son nodded. "See?! If Gohan says it's right, that MUST mean I can read!"  
  
Dende sweatdropped. (Hey, it was frickin' HOT in all those towels!) "Uh.."  
  
Vegeta frowned. "Don't even THINK of getting in here, green beans! There's too little space as it is! I don't even know how I got in here!"  
  
"You felt dirty after finding out I was gay," reminded Yamucha.  
  
"Oh, yes," said Vegeta.wondering WHY he was bathing with the one he sorta feared.  
  
'Darn!' thought Piccolo. 'We'll have to come back some other time. .I REALLY wanted to go today!' Suddenly, one of the hired help appeared, smiling. "Oh, excuse me.Nameks, are you?" Piccolo nodded. "Well, we have a special hot spring especially for you!" "Great!" exclaimed Dende, and he and Piccolo followed the hired help out of the males' area.  
  
They walked down a not-so worn-down path leading to a hot spring that had a sign next to it. It read:  
  
"THE HOT SPRING FOR HERMAPHRODITES AND A-SEXUALS."  
  
There was one gentleman with breasts soaking in the water. "Come on in!" he said, smiling. "The water's great!"  
  
(A/N: I love me! I sorta know what's gonna happen next.you?) 


	3. Rated R for coarse language

(A/N: Another visit from the Captain, of course. Enjoy!  
  
I know that I'm not!  
  
Ow.  
  
Oh, yeah. This chapter is rated "R" for coarse language.)  
  
The hired help left Piccolo and Dende with the apparent "hermaphrodite", and skipped back to the front desk, taking a shortcut through the cacti (or "cactuses" for the illiterate).  
  
The gentleman(?) already in the spring looked away to give the Namekians their privacy.  
  
Piccolo was grateful.  
  
He stepped delicately in the water, and screamed:  
  
"PALAPOHCHEMANGUWA!!!!!!!" **  
  
Dende gasped and covered his mouth.  
  
"That's HOT!" Piccolo yelled.  
  
Dende stuffed some of the towels into his bleeding ears.  
  
(** "Palapohchemanguwa" in Namekian means:  
  
Okay, SOME things have to be kept from virgin ears. The word is too terrible for words.) 


	4. Out of the Ordinary

(A/N-Two stomach-aches in one day.  
  
Help me.  
  
Oh, yeah. I own nothing except for my knowledge of the Namekian language. I'm sorry if I offended anyone in the last chapter.  
  
This fic is obviously alternate-universe and out of-character.  
  
Bash and flame.)  
  
Goten ate his snack diligently as he watched TV. "Mom? Do I REALLY have to eat all this? I know it's weird for me not to want to eat EVERYTHING, but three days of these can't be good for me."  
  
"You'll eat them and you will LIKE them, mister-man! You asked me to buy them because you thought they were funny!"  
  
Gotwn stuck another one in his mouth and chewed without much heart, mumbling: "It's not so funny when you buy the stoopid things in eighty-five year's worth in BULK."  
  
"What was THAT!?"  
  
"Nothing!" He sighed. This was hell.  
  
A commercial came on, and made him choke. He looked at the snack bag, realizing how TRUE it all was.  
  
He would never eat these things again.  
  
~*~  
  
(Fat) Majin Buu was just chillin' inside his little bug house. The puppy and Mr. Satan (or "Hercule" for the garbage version of DBZ) had left, "Hercule" claiming that he couldn't live in such an abusive relationship.  
  
"I'm taking the puppy," he had cried while packing a suitcase. "I can't stand to see him cry!"  
  
Buu shrugged as he changed the channel. Whatever. He didn't need that big oaf. He was bad in bed, especially at "Hide-and-Go-Seek". It was atrocious the way he was incapable of pleasing him. The chocolates and the game had impressed him once, but they got annoying after a while.  
  
A commercial (the same one as Goten's) came on. "Huh?" he said as he listened to the little ditty. "WHAT!?! That's BUU'S SONG!!!"  
  
He fumed, and steam poured out of the porousy, poring PORES at the side of his head.  
  
DAMMIT! First Satan had left him, and now THIS!? He wouldn't stand for it!! NO!!  
  
He'd sit down and make a nasty phone call.  
  
As he dialed, the little song played again as the commercial was ending:  
  
"Goldfish! The snack that smiles back, Until you bite its head off!"  
  
(A/N: Obviously, I think the relationship between Buu and "Hercule" is the funniest thing ever. I had to extend it.  
  
And, obviously, I NEVER eat those stoopid things. I had a similar experience to Goten's.  
  
Don't make me describe it. It's too painful.) 


	5. No reason, just a visit from The Guy ENJ...

(A/N: I'll get back to Piccolo and Dende in the next chapter. RELAX, will you!?)  
  
Some amazing fighter guy (who requested that his name not be mentioned) FINALLY passed the test set out before him by the Grand Kai (the one who looks like a rocker. I LOVE him!) He walked humbly before the old Kai, and asked what would be requested of him next.  
  
"What will be requested of me next?" he asked.  
  
"Well," began the Grand Kai, stroking his beard, air-guitaring, and brushing his teeth (all at once, might I add), "I suppose your training will be taken to the Supreme Kai."  
  
"WHAT!?!" inquired the fighter, who appeared to be deaf.  
  
Grand Kai whacked his former pupil on the head with a mechanical Hello Kitty pencil. "I SAID: 'I SUPPOSE YOUR TRAINING WILL BE TAKEN TO THE SUPREME KAI'!!!!!"  
  
"OH!" said the warrior.  
  
"HE IS A KAI HIGHER THAN I!"  
  
"I can hear you, man. You don't have to yell."  
  
"Okay." The Grand Kai shrugged, and cleaned out his ears with a Q-Tip (of which I have NONE in my house!!!*), inspecting the harvest afterwards.  
  
"Wait a minute," began the warrior, Jim.  
  
"Yes?" said Grand Kai.  
  
"You said this 'Supreme Kai' is higher than you?" Grand Kai nodded. "Hang on." He paused a moment. "First, with King Kai, I was told there was a "higher" Kai, and that was you. NOW you're telling me there's a HIGHER one!?" The Grand Kai nodded again. "Sheesh, man. Who supplies your dope!?"  
  
A look of shock and fear came over Grand Kai, and he stuffed the warrior down his throat, preventing the news from getting to the press.  
  
Their dope supplier must never be found.  
  
(A/N: MW AHA HA A!  
  
*Sorry. There's no Q-Tips in my house. I'm mad. I had to vent somehow.  
  
Also: "Bubbles" isn't the monkey's REAL name. And *looks around, then whispers* he's a runner.) 


	6. Sick today Blech

(A/N: I've been sick for the last two days. Nothing serious, just a smidgen of a cold. Maybe it's the 24-hour flu. Who knows? I'm not all THAT sick, just a sore throat, and a little bit of the sniffles. I'll be fine by tomorrow. ^_^  
  
Also, I'm getting back to Piccolo and Dende in this chapter. I hope you didn't miss them TOO much!  
  
Oh, yeah. When I get sick, I get a little, shall we say, "over-sexual"? Anything written in square brackets [ ] is one of my outbursts.  
  
Enjoy!)  
  
Piccolo relaxed a little bit, now that his [HOT SEXY BODY!] was accustomed to the water. His earlier eruption had embarrassed him a little, but he and Dende (and the hermaphrodite*) were all over it now. His water actually felt pretty good, though he thought of it as odd: it was the Namekian equivalent of a human bathing in cheese and crackers (the only food source of humans). He gave a mental shrug, and lazed about in the water.  
  
The hermaphrodite, known as Onna-man, piped up. "So, what's been happening with you two?"  
  
"I'm drowning," answered Dende, the towels still wrapped around him dragging him underwater.  
  
"Oh," said Onna-man, inspecting his long black hair. "That's nice, I guess."  
  
Piccolo chose to ignore the conversation as [he was thinking dirty thoughts about me]. He placed a small towel on his forehead, and just lay back comfortably, escaping day-to-day life of doing almost nothing but [looking so damn sexy].  
  
He suddenly heard some giggling behind the bushes to the left of him. It annoyed him because [he was busy thinking dirty thoughts about me], and he preferred not to be disturbed when he did so. He stood up, out of the water, and peeked over the bushes, mouth agape at what he saw:  
  
Mirai no Trunks in a hot spring full of girls.** Piccolo was furious! How DARE these female humans make noise and disturb his "meditation"!?! He would certainly give Trunks a piece of his mind!  
  
He sat back down in the water, ignoring Dende's questioning of "Why so angry, Piccolo?" He waited patiently for his blood pressure to go down, and stuck his left index finger into his head, just above his left ear. He dragged his long nail around his head; small amounts of purple blood trailing along after it.  
  
Soon, he had removed his entire skull, leaving his brain exposed. He gently pulled it out, trying desperately not to poke anything vital while he was still attached to it, and chose a section of his brain that wasn't useful to him anymore (the part about making martinis. KAMI, he hated that job.)  
  
Placing the brain piece on the ground next to him, he replaced the remaining part of it back into his head. He regenerated the top part of his head, and picked up the piece of brain. He snickered a little as he thought of his masterful plan.  
  
Peeking once again over the bushes, he tossed the brain piece into the water. Some of the girls screamed, running out of the hot springs as fast as they could. Others merely stared at the thing, one picking up a stick and skewering it.  
  
"Give that to me," said Trunks, The girl passed it to him, He inspected it in silence, then lit it on fire. Within a few moments, he had shishkabob***, and he was sharing it merrily with the remaining women. "Scrumptious," he said with his mouth full.  
  
Piccolo **humphed**, and sank back into the water. "Well," he stated, "at least now it's quiet."  
  
(* "Hermaphrodite" comes from the merging of two Greek gods: "Hermes" (male; messenger of the gods), and "Aphrodite" (female; goddess of love). I just think that's cool.  
  
**I don't like Mirai no Trunks in THAT way at ALL.  
  
***Spelling?  
  
A/N: More Buu coming up later! Ciao! ^_^ ) 


	7. Still sick Is it tomorrow yet?

(A/N : Still sick. I have about another day to go, then I'm FREEEEEEE! *does a little dance, then falls over from dis-orientation* This chapter is based on what happened to me about two days ago.  
  
Oh, yeah. I've been on three different drugs this past week (don't worry, not all at once), so I'm a little woozy. My typing's not that great today.  
  
Blech. :P Oh, and the quotation marks aren't working again. You're gonna get these : « The. »  
  
Enjoy! ^_^ )  
  
Piccolo heaved himself out of the water, pulling the half-drowned Dende along with him. He wrung out the smaller Namek, and gave a small nod to Onna-man the hermaphrodite. Onna-man naodded back, and relaxed in the hot springs alone.  
  
« Well, THAT was an odd experience, » Piccolo exclaimed. Shaking Dende out, he flew up into the air, and headed home. « I'm never doing THAT again. » Dende nodded, spewing more water as he did so.  
  
~*~  
  
Gohan heaved himself out of the water, too, though no one drowned in HIS hot spring. He wasn't feeling too well, and he asked one of the staff members at the hot springs to have his clothes ready for when he left. The staff member nodded, and headed off to do what was asked.  
  
« Where're you going, Gohan? » asked Goku, stiiiiillllll SCRUBBIN'!!!*  
  
« I'm going home, Dad. I'll see you there. »  
  
« Okay, » chanted everyone at once. Or was it just Gohan's throbbing head that amplified his Dad's voice? (Or was it because everyone else in the spring was screwy? Probably both.)  
  
He met the staff member as he went into the changeroom, grateful that his clothes were warm. « Arigatou, » he said as he went inside to change. He giggled for a moment as he realized that he still had Captain Gunyuu's underwear from long ago. He found it underneath a pile of chewed up debris, but took it anyways, delighting at the thought that, somewhere out there, the Captain was running around with no underwear. He may even be looking for THIS exact pair!  
  
'Hee-hee,' thought he.  
  
(A/N : No, Gohan's not gonna WEAR Ginyuu's underpants. That'd be WRONG in about thirty ways at once! Besides, I have plan for him. [Insert evil laughter. Or about as evil as you can get with a sore throat.])  
  
He stuffed the frilly daffodil-yellow panties into his bag, and headed home, taking the short way : through the push doors at the front.  
  
He stopped once he reached the doors, stunned. 'Oh, KAMI!' he thought, staring blankly at the door. 'Where the hell's the DOOR KNOB!?' He searched desperately with his eyes to locate one, but none appeared! WHERE THE HECK WAS THE KNOB!?!**  
  
The same staff member same staff member as before came up behind the teen (as he was blocking the door way), and pushed.  
  
The door opened.  
  
Gohan stood with his jaw hanging by his knees, trying to comprehend what just happened.  
  
« Uh, thanks, » he said stupidly. The staff member nodded, trying to hide a smirk.  
  
Gohan left in silence, wondering what was wrong with him.  
  
(* The stiiiiillllll SCRUBBIN'!!! thing is just weird. Goku's been scrubbing Yamucha's back for the last couple of chapters.  
  
** Hee-hee. « Knob ».  
  
A/N : Gohan's experience is based on mine. I stood in front of a set of doors (that you PUSH to open) for about three minutes, holding my school books and looking dumb. I remember saying « Where's the doorknob? » out loud, and THAT was odd. Some grade nine came up from behind me and opened the door for me, sorta giving me this odd look as I said « THANKS » with THAT much emphasis.  
  
I'll be seein' you all soon, homies. Birthday party this weekend. GUESS WHO'S INVITED, PICCOLO!  
  
Piccolo : Who, Shoe-chan?  
  
Shoe-chan : *sweatdrop* I dunno. I'm still zonked with that herbal crap.  
  
Piccolo : Oh. Want me to end this chapter for you?  
  
Shoe-chan : Yeah, thanks. *koff*  
  
Piccolo : Okay. Uh. This is the end. ) 


	8. STILL SICK Smokey McBench is here

(A/N: I'm still sick. It's a virus, not a cold or flu.  
  
Help me.  
  
In fact, my friend "Smokey McBench" is going to help me today. Um, he has no idea what this fic is about, so he's gonna write REALLY random stuff. Most of it will not be valid.  
  
For example: "One day, I was eating a jelly doughnut and the jelly squirted into my EYE!" [Actual quote.]  
  
This is written in Dr. Brief's point of view.  
  
Enjoy.)  
  
One day I was walking down the street, Jane and Finch to be exact, and to my surprise, I looked down and near the manhole* covered in cheese, I saw a shiny new peanut. I picked it up. It was weirdly green and hairy. Looked kind of rotten.  
  
So I ate it.  
  
As I walked home that night, I came across a homeless guy named Daniel. He was sitting on the corner with a magical colourful shirt and a solar powered lava lamp. He wanted me to give him a dollar, so I went and reached into his hat and took 20. It was fun. Then I bought a squishy at the Bank.  
  
After my exciting adventure out on the town, I decided I would go home and watch reruns of "I Love Lucy". I was sitting on my houseboat enjoying the show when all of a sudden my stomach hurt. I was then lying on my floor, naked, moaning in pain and grabbing my stomach. I started having delusions. For example, I thought my cat was the mailman.  
  
Then I heard a voice saying, "Hello, SMOKEY."  
  
I said, " Who's there?"  
  
All of a sudden, someone dressed up like Superman appeared in front of me, hovering near the ceiling of my luxurious houseboat. "Who, who are you?" I asked.  
  
"Why, I am CAPTAIN STOMACH ACHE, my good man, and I am here to ache your stomach."  
  
"What did I ever do to you?!" I yelled.  
  
"You drank the forbidden juice of the Jabba the JUICE. I am here to rid your system of that juice. If I fail, he will come and send his flying monkeys upon you."  
  
"Hmmmm," I said. " Very well then Captain Stomach Flake. Do your worst. I am prepared to defend myself with the help of my handy hamster ball."  
  
" Ok, human have it your way."  
  
We then broke off into a serious fight. Captain Stomach Ache with a spinning wheel, my hamster ball and myself. We dueled back and forth until that rare moment came where I could get a clear shot at C.S. Ache's genitalia. I launched my hamster ball with all of my might. To my surprise it just hit Captain Stomach Ache and bounced back.  
  
"What are you aiming at idiot? I ain't got no balls."  
  
Unfortunately, I already knew that.  
  
Anyway, long story short, I kicked her ass. However, a bunch of monkeys came and took me to this giant slug. It must have been Jabba the JUICE. Then he sat on me and I died.  
  
Anyway, the major point I'm trying to say here is: I hate sauerkraut. That's all I'm really trying to say.  
  
(* Hee-hee. "Manhole."  
  
A/N: Apparently that's the end of dear old Dr. Briefs.  
  
"Smokey McBench" left before he could say a few closing words, but he changed Captain Stomach Ache into a woman for us today. Hope you liked it.  
  
The hamster ball was my idea. (Erm, not that I didn't aid him with the rest of the story today.)  
  
Ciao! ~~Fukushuu ) 


	9. I lost my art pencil!

(A/N: I'm so pissed off today. Nothing's going the way I want it to, and everything sucks.  
  
In fact, I'm gonna listen to that song! It's by "Reel Big Fish". They're amazing, and tend to get me out of a slum. Sons like: "Scott's a Dork", and "Where Have You Been?" The titles sound depressing, but they're actually REALLY funny. I LOVE those guys! (Matt Wong is HOT!)  
  
Anyway, on with the fic. I'm gonna rant through Korin today.  
  
Oh, and I'm HOPEFULLY going to have an X-Men Evolution fic up soon, as well as a Cowboy Bebop one. And I have more ideas for DBZ fics.  
  
Also: I hate being sick! I will NOT try to get sick! (But I'll try to keep writing that way.)  
  
Enjoy!)  
  
Korin kicked Yajirobe HARD in the face. "That's what YOU get!" he exclaimed, shoving his staff up the fat samurai's nose. "You sick punk! What did I tell you about losing my art pencils?!"  
  
"To never do so again," moaned Yajirobe, stuffing Kleenex up his flaring red nostrils. "But, Korin, I said I was SORRY!"  
  
"That is not good enough, you sick BASTARD!"  
  
The end.  
  
(A/N: That's the extent of it. :P ) 


	10. Princes and their relatives

(A/N: I'm stoopid and tired.)  
  
Goku got out of the hot spring and dried off with a monkey (as opposed to a towel).  
  
"Oh my KAMI!" he yelled. "Monkey! MMMMMMMMONKEY!"  
  
"Wow," said Tien. "You know who he looks like?"  
  
"Who?" asked Yamucha.  
  
"Prince Edward," Tien replied.  
  
"True," said Yamucha.  
  
And Goku and the Mmmmmmmonkey walked off hand in hand and naked into the sunset.  
  
"Damn, this sunset is hot," Goku commented. Mommmmmmonkey nodded.  
  
(A/N: ^_^ ) 


	11. I'm weird and I hope you like this!

(A/N: GASP! Mesa no do drugs! What kinda comment was THAT?! Anyways, this chapter is WWWWWAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY off-topic, but some of you may like it.  
  
I'M in it! **smile smile**  
  
Oh, and this chapter id rated PG-13 for graphic content.  
  
Enjoy!)  
  
Wile E. Coyote [yes, from the Warner Brothers' cartoon] slept in the sunshine of the desert. Suddenly, he heard something in his sleep and awoke to discover what it was. It was footsteps. BIG footsteps. They seemed human, but a little off. He listened for another moment. AH, no matter, he could run faster than anything else could in this desert.  
  
Apart from that [DAMN!] roadrunner!  
  
He calmed his nerves with a deep breath, and attempted to doze off again.  
  
The footsteps came closer. Wile E. stood up and sniffed. Something smelled good. He had no idea what it was. Suddenly, a tall, blonde human-like figure approached him, hiding something behind its back. He stood up himself, as he was a polite creature.  
  
"May I help you?" he asked kindly.  
  
"Yes," the figure said. "My name's Shoe-chan, and I'd like VERY much for you to enjoy what I've brought you."  
  
Wile E. was confused, but as this "Shoe-chan" creature brought the thing from behind it's back out, his eyes nearly popped out of his head. Here was the roadrunner! DEAD! Oh, dead at last! And already cooked! Oh JOY!  
  
"How did you DO it?" he asked, smiling wildly, and practically worshipping her. "It NEVER worked for ME!"  
  
Shoe-chan smiled and shrugged. "I was lying in the middle of the road, half asleep, and I yawned. This bird passed into my mouth as I was yawning, and I closed my incisors on its legs. It couldn't very well escape, and the constant 'MEEP-MEEP'ing of it annoyed me. So I stood up (with it's legs still in my mouth of course), and twisted its neck, broke its spine, and bashed it over the head with my fist. I was bored afterwards, so I cooked it, too! I hope you like your birds marinated in red wine."  
  
Wile E. said nothing, and only smiled. He thought nothing of how the roadrunner would be moving slowly enough to be caught in a yawn. [It just HAPPENED, OKAY?!]  
  
"I want you to have it," Shoe-chan said, smiling at him. "I know of the difficulty you've had with this bird." Wile E. sniffled as his eyes watered in happy tears. "Besides, it's almost Christmas. Have a good one, cutie." She kissed him on the nose and hopped onto the back of a motorcycle that magically appeared out of nowhere, with Mr. Bean on the back. The two rode off into the sunset, singing about vibrating sheep, leaving Wile E. Coyote with the best Christmas present he had ever received.  
  
The end.  
  
(A/N: I've hated the roadrunner ever since I was a child. This is both Wile E. Coyote and mine revenge! (After SO LONG!)  
  
Later!) 


	12. For a friend!

(A/N: Hey, people! I'm back! Yessiree-Bob!!!  
  
.What the hell if wrong with me? :P  
  
Anyhoo, I've been extremely busy, and extreme business causes Captain Stomach-Ache to pop by for a visit.  
  
Enjoy!! ^_^ )  
  
"Holy crap," said Matt (or Yamato Ishida) from the Digimon cast, holding up a large purple egg. "This thing is so cool!"  
  
Suddenly, the purple egg hatched from the warmth of Matt/Yamato's breath, and out popped an orange dragon. (Or was it the new-pink dragon?) Anyways, it killed and ate Matt/Yamato, and Tai, who bore witness to all this, was so disgruntled by the sight, that he committed suicide via hi-liter.  
  
Suddenly, the dragon started singing:  
  
"You and me, baby, Ain't nothin' but mammals, So let's."  
  
But then it stopped, because it realized that it was a reptile.  
  
~*~  
  
The Other-World  
  
Matt/Yamato and Tai/Tai hung out together and laughed about how their new bodies in the world of the Dead looked like sperm. In fact, they laughed so hard that all of the noise awoke East Kai (the one with the eye-piece).  
  
He appeared to them in nothing but a robe, the eyepiece, and a Bloody Shirley Temple, and flashed them, displaying his generous proportions.  
  
Of stomach.  
  
Matt/Yamato and Tai/Tai were so horrified, that they fainted, and never awoke, except to do incredibly yaoi things with each other in the fics of fan-girls and fan-boys alike.  
  
In fact, they're doing so right now.  
  
The end.  
  
(A/N: I wrote this with a friend on mine in mind. She's sick, and needs all the home-cooked yaoi she can get.  
  
Feel better, dear friend of mine!  
  
Oh, by the way: I'm gonna have my own site as soon as I get my but in gear. Unfortunately, I lost the key, so it may be a while.  
  
Happy Belated Easter!!!) 


End file.
